Sunday, September 12, 2010

Skull-duggery Afoot

It started innocently enough. I posted the Hip-Hop version of my Quaker classic Holy Silence along with a picture of my rap persona (Rapmaster Johnnie B-Squared -- beaded hair and all).

Then, what I feared would happen happened. Some men, led by Jeff Wolfe, began to emulate my hairstyle, even posting it on their Facebook pages. As Jeff said, "Too cool! The beaded dreadlocks are a nice touch that I definitely think you should include in your overall look when you drop your lyrical bombs ... Based on the obvious quality of your rhymes, I foresee a whole new career blossoming in your future, Brent--er, um Johnnie."

And then Jeff posted a picture of the back of my head as his profile pic.

That's when the skull-duggery began. A female back-of-the-head-lash. From Jeff's wife Tonda. She sends poor Jeff a post demanding, yes demanding!!!, him to "Change your profile pic. ... Brent Bill's bald skull is coming between us."

What's up with that?

I cannot deny that the un-haired pate of a late 50ish gospel writing Hip Hop star is ... well... sexy. I'm a solar-paneled sentence machine. And younger men naturally want to tap into this raw sensuality. Jeff admits, "I desperately want the 'BrentBill Reverse Beaded Mohawk (TM)"..."

But he admits that he "lack[s] the dexterity to bead my own hair." He further goes on to lament that "Something tells me I won't be able to convince my wife to help me with it upon next seeing her. "

Tonda, Tonda, Tonda. Have you not read the Bible -- where it urges you to "Stand by your Man"? (Wynette 3:16). As a young woman going studying to be in a helping profession, I find your cold-heartedness just ... well... cold-hearted.

So, as I head off to Meeting this morning, I carry a concern in my heart. That the obvious tension my bald head has brought to Tonda and Jeff's relationship be eased, that their relationship be fully restored, and that she help him bead his hair.

-- Brent

2 comments:

The Big Bad Wolfe said...

Oh great Brent, I sense I could learn so much from you. I obviously lack a proper respect for the scriptures. It shames me to admit it, but I was not even aware of the apocryphal book of Wynette. I sense that the scriptural canon that informs your spirituality would greatly transform my life of faith--in positive ways of course. I can only hope that my wife finds your pearls of wisdom to be as enlightening as I do.

Jeff

Brent Bill said...

Ah, Jeff, hang around me very much and you will learn all sorts of things about the HipHop Living Breathing New King Johnnee B-Squared Bible -- including books that many life-long Biblical scholar are unaware exist. 1 & 2 Hezekiah, The Book of Palms, Expletives, and more.

I doubt that, as a former UCC'er, Tonda even knows what a Bible is... so I don't know that my exegesis will be of much help to her.